We can spend an entire lifetime looking back at our mistakes as failures and confirming to ourselves that we have every right to feel miserable and point the finger of blame to our experiences, family members and partners or we can acknowledge that we all have strengths and weaknesses.
Beating yourself up over the past only helps to reinforce your disappointments.
If something is going to hurt us we tend to move away from it and create a comfort zone where we fear moving away from familiarity. This allows self doubt and fear of judgment to creep in.
In reality, you just got stuck in a pattern of conditioning that you felt comfortable in for a while, but now it doesn't feel so safe because you are aware that it is enabling fear and making you feel stuck. You have a deeper knowing that change is required.
The mind may create 'should' or 'must' statements which are a common negative thinking pattern that express an obligation or demand which can create further feelings of worry and fear which then spiral into guilt.
This puts more pressure on yourself and you may feel more negative towards change.
Change can be scary but so can staying the same!
Here are a few things you can do
- Commit to yourself rather than letting others tell you what to do; make your own decisions and hold yourself accountable. When you make a mistake note what you would do differently the next time rather than beating yourself up. You're human we all make mistakes!
- Manage your thoughts and behaviours; Release the pressure of the "shoulds" statement i.e. I shouldn't feel angry - acknowledge that you're thinking this thought and ask if this is serving you, what can you learn about this?
- Take appropriate action towards change - what would it look like if you had this change in your life? imagine it is already formed in this existence, what does it feel like? does it bring you joy? what needs to happen for this change to occur? what steps could you take towards meeting this goal?
Be compassionate with yourself, you learned this behaviour a long time ago because it served you back then but every behaviour can be unlearned.
If you want change, its up to you to make that change, you've got to become that change. Stop telling yourself I'll do this one day when...
That's just the old version of you that believed you had to wait on others, or liked to make excuses, its time to shake things up - show yourself what you're made of.
