Have you ever runaway from change? it sounds ridiculous as deep down you know everything changes – nature adapts to the seasons, time changes our looks. But have you ever thought you couldn’t change? you felt so stuck, that you felt it was absolutely impossible?
I experienced this in my early 30s I suddenly hit a brick wall, I couldn’t accept change as a possibility. I was living through unconscious behaviours and they were taking over and becoming a habitual norm. Nothing anyone said motivated me or could get through to me because I was absorbed in it, you could say I was throwing a pity party and only I was invited and I didn’t even know I was the host! I seemed to have gone into a spiral downwards and became introverted compared to being the life and soul of the party.
I can reflect back on this experience as a necessity that took place, as I needed to go within and unravel the aspects of me that I was hiding, judging or fighting against in my head.
Sometimes we think we are positive people but spending some time alone back then revealed to me just how much I was putting myself down, how much I felt a need to please others, put others first and not even notice my own feelings.
When you are caught up in old programming and your body is reacting to and believing these old programs it will reject anything new until you shift your mindset, put your needs first and start self caring. But you must want that change enough, for change to happen.
My mind was running from old movies and scripts that I was projecting out into the world, my ex had slept with a work colleague so of course all men were bas***ds! its when you start generalising after having a bad experience, you know its time to change the script! I decided to select the pause button and reflect, if this movie is my life – i want to be an oscar winning actress not the bloody moaner!
So I ejected it and imagined myself pouring gasoline onto it and watching it go up in flames with a crescendo mass explosion which turned it into a star formation! Now my journey began, and no it wasn’t a pinch of salt it was excrutiating – change was hard because I was accustomed to my comfort zone. There was a lot of tears, lower backache pain (which i later found out through my therapies training was due to financial worries), i met a lot of a** holes along the way, I gave up a few times then reminded myself of that oscar! I became my very own: Miss Motivator, I changed the way I spoke to myself, I started self respect and self care, I went to counselling, therapists, healings you name it – why? because I wanted change, I knew I had to change if I wanted better – I had to show up in life and participate, take the relevant action – and if you want something bad enough – you will get it!
When I look back at who I once was, it feels like it was someone else’s life. I love what I do. I help people overcome fears and limitations, enhance their self esteem and self worth because I have gone through a lot of personal barriers of my own, which helps me relate to my clients with empathy and understanding.
My self love programme helps people stop doubting themselves and overcoming procrasination to reaching their goals and having inner contentment because it is so important to put ourselves first.
You can’t give from an empty cup. I tried that so many times and ended up sick in bed wondering what I was doing wrong, I thought that giving was better than receiving, but we are meant to have giving and receiving in balance otherwise we are ignoring our own needs. Believing that we are less worthy when that is simply not the case.
Low self worth/self esteem will keep you in the wrong relationships, some of which can be abusive or involve addictions of some kind, they can keep you in a comfort zone that says your not good enough. If you believe you are not good enough you will not even try to remove destructive people or relationships from your life, as you believe “that’s just the way it is” This can be a pattern occurring, that isn’t even yours, you may have learnt this from your parents, relations or grandparents.
I will talk about that in my next blog
You know the signs that you need to take better self care, when:
- You are unable to say No
- You are unable to set boundaries with friends/family/work colleagues
- You are putting others needs first and yours last
- You are feeling overwhelmed
- You are mentally or physically exhausted
- You are working too hard, no social life for balance
- You are getting recurring colds/illnesses
- You experience lack of sleep
What can you put in place:
- Mindfulness
- Meditation
- Walks or daily exercise
- Hydrate each day – drink 8 glasses of water
- Journal your thoughts to clear your mind
- See a Therapist
- Talk to friends, open up and express difficulties, if you trust them
- Daily practice of positive affirmations
Change is absolutely possible, if I can do it – so can you!
Love Jennifer
ZenWithJenBelfast.com
